When a child is struggling, most parents will do almost anything they can to help, and OP has spent nearly a year proving just how far she is willing to go for her daughter. After her twenty-seven-year-old daughter escaped a domestic violence situation, she returned to her parents’ home with three young children and a life that had become increasingly complicated. Eventually, all three children were removed from her care, leaving OP and her husband desperate to help her complete the requirements necessary to reunite their family.
They provided her with a home, drove her to visitation appointments, helped her get to court hearings, and supported her through serious health challenges that sometimes resulted in weeks-long hospital stays. But as time passed, OP began to feel that she was doing more to rebuild her daughter’s life than her daughter was doing herself. Missed visits, unfinished court requirements, conflicting explanations, and repeated excuses became increasingly difficult to tolerate. The situation reached a breaking point when OP discovered that her daughter had been missing visits to spend time with a new boyfriend who lived two states away. Now OP is questioning whether continuing to provide a home is truly helping her daughter or simply allowing her to avoid taking responsibility.
After A Devastating Domestic Violence Situation, Her Twenty-Seven-Year-Old Daughter Returned Home With Three Children And A Life That Had Completely Fallen Apart
Her Parents Opened Their Home And Tried To Become The Support System She Needed While She Fought To Rebuild Her Life And Regain Custody Of Her Children
The Children Were Eventually Removed From Her Care, With Her Two Sons Going To Their Fathers And Her Youngest Daughter Entering Another Care Arrangement
What Was Supposed To Be A Temporary Safe Place For Their Daughter Slowly Became An Almost Year-Long Situation That Left Everyone In The Household Exhausted
Her Daughter Was Also Battling Serious Health Problems, Including Cystic Fibrosis, Cystic-Fibrosis-Related Diabetes, And Asthma, Making Her Hospitalizations Especially Frightening For The Entire Family
When Her Daughter Was Hospitalized For Weeks At A Time Fighting Severe Infections, Her Parents Put Everything Aside To Support Her Through Those Terrifying Periods
But Once Her Daughter Was Physically Doing Better, Her Mother’s Biggest Concern Was No Longer Her Health; It Was Her Apparent Lack Of Effort Toward Getting Her Children Back
Every Missed Visit Came With Another Explanation, And Her Mother Eventually Began Suspecting That The Excuses Were Hiding Something Much Bigger
The More OP Learned From The Social Worker, The More She Realized Her Daughter Had Been Blaming Everyone Around Her While Failing To Complete The Requirements Herself
Desperate To Help Her Daughter Get Moving, OP Even Started Finding Affordable Apartments Online And Sending Her Applications To Fill Out Herself
An Apartment, Counseling, Parenting Classes, And Domestic Violence Support Were All Required, Yet Her Daughter Had Barely Started Working Toward Any Of Them
OP Could Not Understand Why Her Adult Daughter Expected A Social Worker To Find Her Housing, Complete Applications, Or Arrange Every Step Of Her Reunification Plan For Her
Then Another Set Of Missed Visits Revealed What OP Believed Was The Real Priority In Her Daughter’s Life
The Same Boyfriend Had Already Been Connected To Several Previous Missed Visits, Yet Her Daughter Continued Finding Reasons To Blame Foster Parents, Social Workers, And Other People
Another Visit Was Scheduled For The Following Day, But Her Daughter Was Once Again Away From Home, And OP Already Expected Another Excuse For Why She Would Not Show Up
Her Husband Wants To Give Their Daughter Even More Time, But OP Feels That Almost A Year Of Support Should Have Been Enough For A Twenty-Seven-Year-Old Adult To Begin Taking Responsibility
What does Reddit have to say about all this? Let’s find out.
OP’s dilemma is painful because there is no simple way to separate compassion from accountability in a situation this complicated. Her daughter has experienced domestic violence, the loss of custody of her children, serious ongoing health problems, and what is undoubtedly an enormous amount of emotional upheaval. Those circumstances deserve understanding and support, and OP clearly has not abandoned her daughter during any of it. She has spent months providing practical help and making herself available whenever her daughter needed transportation, encouragement, or assistance.
At the same time, OP believes there is a crucial difference between supporting someone through a crisis and doing everything for them indefinitely. Her frustration comes from watching opportunities for reunification pass by while her daughter allegedly misses visits, delays required programs, blames her social worker, and travels to see a new boyfriend instead. Asking an adult daughter to move out after nearly a year may feel harsh, particularly when grandchildren are involved, but OP is also reaching the limits of what she can emotionally and practically carry. Ultimately, the question is not simply whether her daughter deserves another chance; she clearly does. The harder question is whether giving her unlimited time and support without meaningful progress is actually helping her become the parent and independent adult she needs to be.
