Comments about weight can be surprisingly complicated, especially when they come from the person who is supposed to make you feel safest and most accepted. OP knows that she is considered overweight according to BMI standards, but she also knows that her weight does not tell the whole story about her health. Over the past two years, she gained roughly ten to fifteen pounds while dealing with an autoimmune disease and hormonal imbalances that have made losing the weight significantly more difficult. She is already making an effort with her diet and occasionally allows herself a dessert once or twice a week.
More importantly, her husband had previously promised that he would stop commenting on her weight after she made it clear that those comments were hurtful and unwelcome. So when she casually explained that she was wearing a loose sweater because her four-year-old pants had become slightly tight, she was not asking for criticism, dieting advice, or an evaluation of her body. She was simply explaining why she felt a little self-conscious. Instead, her husband responded with a blunt remark telling her to “close her mouth,” making it clear that he meant she should stop eating. What followed was not an apology but an argument about whether she had somehow invited the comment simply by mentioning her own insecurity.
I Know I Am Overweight By BMI Standards, But That Does Not Mean My Body Or My Health Is An Open Invitation For Everyone To Critique
Then Last Night He Asked Why I Was Wearing A Sweater, And I Explained That I Was Feeling A Little Self-Conscious About My Clothes
At First I Did Not Even Immediately Understand What He Meant, But Then It Hit Me That He Was Telling Me To Stop Eating And Go On A Diet
According To Him, If I Express Any Dissatisfaction With My Weight Or Appearance, Then I Am Apparently “Enabling” Other People To Comment On It
What Hurts Most Is That He Had Already Promised Not To Comment On My Weight, And He Still Chose To Make A Cruel Joke At The Exact Moment I Was Feeling Vulnerable
Let’s dive into what the Reddit jury has to say.
The disagreement between OP and her husband ultimately seems to be about much more than one cruel sentence. It is about whether someone expressing vulnerability automatically gives their partner permission to criticize the very thing they are insecure about. OP was not claiming that she loved every aspect of her body or that she had no interest in managing her weight. In fact, she says she is already dieting and is dealing with genuine health and hormonal factors that make weight loss difficult. Her frustration comes from the fact that she had specifically asked her husband not to comment on her weight, and he had agreed to respect that boundary.
When she mentioned that her old pants were tight and that she felt self-conscious, she was describing her feelings, not inviting him to tell her to stop eating. His argument that she should simply never mention her weight if she does not want comments places the responsibility entirely on her, as though discussing her own body means surrendering control over the conversation. His claim that people in his part of South America are less sensitive about such comments may explain a cultural difference in communication, but it does not automatically make the comment acceptable within their marriage. Ultimately, OP is left questioning whether she is being overly sensitive or whether her husband crossed a clear and previously agreed-upon boundary at a particularly vulnerable moment.
