Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family, good food, and spending time together, but hosting a holiday can quickly become stressful when other people start treating your home like a community event space. That is exactly what happened to this couple, who originally planned a relatively simple Thanksgiving with one out-of-state brother, his wife, and their daughter. Their guest rooms were already going to be full, so when the in-laws mentioned wanting to visit, OP made it clear that the timing was not ideal.
Instead of taking that as a reason to choose another date, the in-laws apparently saw an opportunity to turn the couple’s home into a full family reunion, and even invited another brother without asking the people who actually lived there. The biggest concern is Bob, a family member with a history of showing up with unexpected guests and creating situations everyone else is expected to accommodate. Now that Bob has a new girlfriend with children whom the couple has never even met, OP is worried that Thanksgiving could once again become a situation where boundaries disappear the moment Bob decides he wants something.
We Thought We Were Hosting A Small Thanksgiving With One Brother, His Wife, And Their Daughter Until The Rest Of The Family Quietly Turned It Into A Full-Blown Reunion
When My In-Laws Mentioned Wanting To Visit, I Specifically Pointed Out That We Already Had Guests And No Extra Space
This Was Not The First Time My In-Laws Had Treated Our Home And Family Vacations Like Shared Property They Could Make Plans For Without Asking
Now Bob Has A Brand-New Girlfriend With Children, And Somehow We Are Expected To Trust That She Might Simply Appear At Thanksgiving
My Spouse Completely Agrees With Me That We Do Not Want Strangers Or High-Drama Situations Brought Into Our Home, But There Is One Major Problem
I Also Want To Make One Thing Extremely Clear Before Anyone Arrives: The Guest List Is Not A Suggestion, And Our Home Is Not An Open-Invitation Event
Curious to hear the verdict from Reddit on this one.
The real conflict here is not simply about whether Bob should be allowed to bring his new girlfriend to Thanksgiving. It is about a much larger pattern in which the couple’s family members make decisions about their home without actually asking them first. OP has already experienced surprise guests and last-minute additions, and Bob has demonstrated that he is capable of arriving with several extra people without considering whether there is enough food, space, or preparation. What makes the situation even more frustrating is that OP’s spouse agrees privately that they should not have strangers or unnecessary drama brought into the home, especially around their children, but struggles to enforce those boundaries with their own family.
As a result, OP is considering stepping in and making the rule unmistakable: Bob is invited, but his new girlfriend and her children are not automatically invited simply because he is dating her. More importantly, OP wants everyone to understand that bringing uninvited guests will have an immediate consequence: the Thanksgiving gathering will end. The family is accustomed to accommodating Bob, so enforcing this boundary could create serious tension, but OP feels that their home should ultimately remain a place where the people who live there get to decide who enters the door.
