Opening your home to a friend who needs somewhere to stay can feel like a simple act of kindness, especially when you trust that person and expect the arrangement to last only a few days. For OP, however, what began as a four-day visit quickly became an uncomfortable conflict involving missing food, professional boundaries, and a heated argument inside her own home. OP is a Registered Behavior Technician, so she is accustomed to answering questions about autism and ADHD, but she has always been careful about keeping her professional responsibilities separate from her personal relationships.
Her friend, a father to a seven-year-old autistic and ADHD child, had previously asked her to speak directly with his ex-wife about their son. OP declined to become personally involved in their relationship but offered a professional alternative that she was comfortable with. During his stay, the subject came up again, and when OP repeated her boundary, her friend reacted angrily and swore at her. What followed forced OP to decide whether continuing to accommodate her friend was worth sacrificing the boundaries she had clearly established.
As A Registered Behavior Technician, I Am Used To People Asking Me Autism And ADHD Questions, But I Have Always Been Clear About Keeping My Professional Boundaries Intact
I Agreed To Let My Friend And His Seven-Year-Old Son Stay In My Home For Four Days Because I Thought I Was Helping Someone I Trusted
The Bigger Problem Was A Conversation My Friend Had Already Asked Me To Have With His Ex-Wife About Their Son, Something I Had Previously Refused To Get Personally Involved In
Months Later He Brought The Same Request Back Up During His Stay, Insisting That His Ex-Wife Was Simply A Concerned Mother Who Needed Someone To Talk To
I Walked Away To My Room Hoping The Situation Would End There, But Later He Came In And Sat Down As Though Nothing Had Happened
At That Moment I Decided That Helping A Friend Did Not Mean Allowing Him To Ignore My Professional Boundaries Or Disrespect Me Under My Own Roof
The Situation Became Even More Frustrating When He Claimed He Could Not Leave Yet While Continuing To Order Food To My House During The Same Dispute
I Told Him That My Boundaries Were My Boundaries And That My No Was My No, Even If He Did Not Like The Answer He Still Had To Respect It
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By the end of the situation, OP had reached a point where the argument was no longer simply about whether she should answer questions from her friend’s ex-wife. For her, it had become about whether her clearly stated boundaries would be respected at all, particularly inside her own home. She explained that her professional life and personal life needed to remain separate and that she was not comfortable being pulled into a situation between two parents.
Even after her friend argued that he had only been speaking generally and that he would have used the same language anywhere, OP maintained that the location did not change the fact that he had spoken to her disrespectfully. She gave him additional time to leave despite his complaints about money, but the tension continued even after he was gone. When he later called while she was working and attempted to explain his position again, OP decided there was nothing left to negotiate. She reminded him that her boundaries were hers to set and that saying no did not require his approval. The question now is whether OP was unnecessarily harsh toward a friend and his child or whether asking them to leave was a reasonable response after her boundaries and her hospitality were repeatedly disregarded.
