The first few months after having a baby can be exhausting under the best of circumstances, and for OP and her husband, the transition into parenthood has apparently been anything but easy. After a difficult pregnancy and a challenging postpartum period, they are still trying to settle into their first home together while caring for their four-month-old son. OP is also approaching the end of her maternity leave, meaning she is already anticipating the additional pressure of returning to work while continuing to manage everything at home. The last thing she feels she needs is another responsibility disguised as a family visit.
#Her mother-in-law lives out of state and tends to stay for an entire week, but according to OP, these visits do not actually provide the support she needs. Instead, her MIL takes pictures of the baby, leaves food and messes behind, expects to be entertained, and rarely takes enough responsibility with the baby or household to allow OP to genuinely rest. Worse, there have already been serious boundary violations involving her husband’s phone, unauthorized pictures of their child, kissing the baby, and unsettling comments about taking over the child’s upbringing. So when OP tells her husband she does not want his mother visiting again, she is not simply rejecting her MIL; she is asking for some peace and support during a period when she desperately needs both.
After A Rough Pregnancy And An Exhausting Postpartum Period, We Were Supposed To Be Settling Into Our First Home As A New Family
My Mother-In-Law Lives Out Of State, And Every Time She Comes To Visit, Her Idea Of Helping Looks Very Different From Mine
I Am Already Exhausted, My Husband Is Working, And I Am About To Return From Maternity Leave With Absolutely No Idea Where I Am Supposed To Find More Energy
Somehow I Am Still Expected To Make Sure My MIL Is Entertained Because If We Stay Home, She Complains That We Are Not Going Anywhere Or Doing Anything
I Finally Told My Husband That I Did Not Want Her Coming Over Again Because We Simply Do Not Have The Capacity For A Week-Long Guest Who Does Not Actually Help
Curious to hear the verdict from Reddit on this one.
Ultimately, the question is not whether OP dislikes her mother-in-law or whether a grandmother should be allowed to spend time with her grandchild. The deeper issue is whether a visit can reasonably be called “help” when the people being visited are already overwhelmed, and the guest’s presence creates additional responsibilities. OP does not appear to be demanding that her MIL raise the baby, take over parenting duties, or spend every minute cleaning the house. She simply wants visitors who understand that new parents, especially exhausted parents preparing to return to work, may need practical support rather than entertainment and attention.
Her concerns are also complicated by the fact that her MIL has previously crossed several significant boundaries, including going through her husband’s phone, posting pictures of their baby without permission, kissing the baby despite their wishes, and making comments about raising the child herself. Those experiences understandably make OP less comfortable with having her stay for an entire week. Her husband may see his mother as a loving grandmother who simply wants to visit her grandson, while OP experiences the visits from the perspective of someone who has to deal with the aftermath. At this stage of their lives, OP’s desire for privacy, rest, and boundaries does not automatically make her bitter. A grandmother can absolutely be part of her grandchild’s life, but being family does not give someone an unlimited invitation into a new family’s home, especially when their presence is making an already difficult season even harder.
