Rejecting someone is never easy, especially when you know the real reason for saying no is something that could hurt them deeply if you said it out loud. I’m 18, and recently I found myself in exactly that situation with a male coworker who asked me out. I told him I wasn’t interested and claimed I was already in a relationship because I thought that would be a simple, harmless way to shut down the situation without humiliating him. The problem is, I wasn’t actually dating anyone at the time. The real reason I rejected him was physical attraction.
I had recently lost around 20 pounds myself and had started feeling more confident, and I noticed that my preferences had shifted toward people who were more physically fit. Then I started seeing someone named John, and we happened to post each other on Instagram. That’s when my coworker discovered that I had lied about being in a relationship and confronted me about the real reason I had rejected him. What should have been a simple rejection suddenly became a much more uncomfortable situation, and now I’m questioning whether I was simply exercising my right to choose who I’m attracted to or whether the way I handled it was unnecessarily cruel.
I Rejected A Coworker Who Asked Me Out, But The Real Reason I Gave Him Wasn’t The Real Reason At All
I Thought A Blunt Excuse About Already Having A Boyfriend Would Be The Easiest Way To Make Sure He Stopped Pursuing Me
I Know This Part Might Sound Shallow, But Losing Weight Changed The Kind Of People I Found Myself Attracted To
I Never Realized That My Coworker And The Guy I Was Seeing Were Connected Until My Past Came Back Through Instagram
What Started As A Seemingly Normal Message Quickly Turned Into A Confrontation About Why I Really Rejected Him
I Never Actually Denied That His Guess Was Correct, And That’s The Part I’ve Been Thinking About Ever Since
Let’s dive into what the Reddit jury has to say.
The more I think about this situation, the more I realize that two separate things can be true at the same time. I absolutely had the right to reject someone I wasn’t attracted to, regardless of the reason. Nobody is entitled to a romantic relationship simply because they are interested in you, and I don’t think I should have to date someone out of guilt or fear of hurting their feelings. At the same time, I can understand why my coworker felt particularly embarrassed after discovering that I had lied about being in a relationship and then seeing me publicly date someone else. I didn’t directly insult his appearance or tell him that his weight was the reason I rejected him, but I also wasn’t completely honest with him.
When he confronted me, I could have handled the conversation more maturely instead of becoming rude before blocking him. His decision to insult me and John wasn’t okay either, and I don’t regret ending a conversation that had become hostile. What I’m struggling with now is whether I should feel guilty simply because someone was hurt by my lack of attraction to him. I’m young, still figuring out my preferences, and I don’t want to become someone who judges people cruelly based on appearance. But I also don’t think having physical preferences automatically makes me a bad person. Maybe the real lesson here isn’t that I was wrong for saying no, but that I could have found a kinder and more honest way to say it.
