Discovering that your best friend has married your own sibling without telling you would be painful enough, but finding out that the two people closest to you deliberately kept their engagement and wedding secret makes the betrayal even harder to process. The original poster, a 31-year-old woman, has known Sally since they were both eight years old. Their families became closely connected over the years, and OP always considered Sally more like a sister than a friend.
However, Sally’s relationship with OP’s older brother, Noah, gradually changed the friendship, and their decision to marry privately without informing OP or their mother created a serious family rift. Although OP understands that the wedding was ultimately their choice, she cannot pretend that being excluded from such an important milestone has not changed how she feels about their relationship.
Sally And I Have Been Inseparable Since We Were Just Eight Years Old, And Because Her Own Family Situation Was Difficult, Mine Had Always Treated Her Like One Of Their Own
There Has Always Been A Pattern In My Friendship With Sally, Because Whenever She Was Single We Could Talk For Hours, Make Plans, And Spend Time Together Like Nothing Had Changed
Last Year, Sally And Noah Started Sleeping Together Again, Even Though He Was Not Initially Interested In Committing To A Serious Relationship With Her
I Was Frustrated By How Little Effort They Seemed To Make, Although I Have To Admit That I Never Actually Told Sally How Much It Bothered Me
In January, My Best Friend And My Brother Finally Called To Announce That They Had Already Gotten Married At The Courthouse Without Telling Me Or Our Mother
At That Point, I Finally Told Sally How Deeply Her Choices Had Hurt Me, Explained That Our Friendship No Longer Felt The Same, And Made It Clear That I Did Not Want To Help Plan A Celebration I Felt Was Being Arranged For The Wrong Reasons
Instead Of Talking To Me Directly About The Change In Our Friendship, Sally Went To Noah And Told Him That She Was Hurt By My Behaviour
Sally Has Made It Clear That She Does Not Intend To Apologize For The Way She And Noah Got Married, Even Though I Have Never Claimed They Needed My Permission To Make That Decision
I Understand That Their Marriage Was Their Decision, And I Know They Were Free To Have A Private Courthouse Wedding Without Asking Anyone For Permission
Let’s dive into what the Reddit jury has to say.
More than twenty years of friendship cannot simply be erased overnight, but neither can the hurt caused when someone you consider family deliberately excludes you from a major life event. OP has tried reaching out to Sally and explaining why the secret engagement and courthouse wedding affected her so deeply, yet Sally remains unwilling to understand her perspective or apologize for the way things unfolded.
Meanwhile, Noah has also become distant, leaving OP feeling as though her relationship with her brother is now dependent on keeping his wife happy. She recognizes that the couple had every right to choose a private wedding, but she also believes she has the right to feel hurt and reconsider the friendship. Now she must decide whether stepping back is a reasonable boundary or an overreaction to a decision that was never hers to make.
