There are some friendships where one person being late is an occasional annoyance, and then there are friendships where “I’ll be there at 6” becomes more of a vague suggestion than an actual commitment. My friend has been chronically late for as long as I can remember, and I’m not talking about the occasional five or ten minutes caused by traffic or an unexpected delay. If we agree to meet at 6, I can almost guarantee she won’t appear until 6:45 or 7. We’ve talked about it countless times; she apologizes every time, and she always promises that she’ll improve. But the pattern never changes.
Her lateness has caused us to lose restaurant reservations, miss important parts of parties, rearrange plans, and even caused me to miss a doctor’s appointment after she showed up nearly an hour late to pick me up. The rest of our friend group has essentially accepted that this is “just how she is,” but lately, everyone has become exhausted by constantly adjusting our lives around her. So when we had another dinner planned last week, I finally did something I knew was petty: I deliberately gave her the wrong time.
For Years, We’ve Been Waiting On Her While She Treats Every Agreed-Upon Time Like A Completely Optional Suggestion
Her Chronic Lateness Has Already Cost Us Reservations, Ruined Important Moments, And Even Made Me Miss A Doctor’s Appointment
One Missed Appointment Turned Into A Cancellation Fee, But After At Least Twenty Similar Incidents, My Patience Was Completely Gone
What Makes It Even More Frustrating Is That She Sometimes Gets Furious When Other People Are Just 10 Or 15 Minutes Late
At 6:20, She Sent The Same Familiar Message: “Leaving Now”, And That’s When I Decided To Try Something Different
Then At 7:35, She Finally Walked In And Realized Everyone Had Already Finished Eating Without Her
She Said I Had Betrayed Her Trust By Giving Her The Wrong Time, While I Felt Like She Had Been Disrespecting Our Time For Years
We Had Already Tried Giving Her Earlier Times, But Eventually She Figured It Out And Simply Started Treating Those Fake Times As The Real Ones
I Know I Didn’t Handle My Frustration In The Most Mature Way, But I Wanted Her To Finally Experience What It Feels Like When Someone Treats Your Time Like It Doesn’t Matter
Reddit always has opinions, so let’s see their judgment.
Looking back, I know deliberately giving my friend the wrong time wasn’t exactly the mature or healthy way to handle the situation. I could have simply told her that I was no longer willing to wait for her, or made it clear that if she wasn’t there by the agreed time, we would continue with our plans without her. Instead, I decided to give her a taste of what it feels like when someone else’s schedule is treated as though it doesn’t matter.
And honestly, I understand why she was angry. She trusted me to give her the correct information, and I intentionally didn’t. But at the same time, I’m struggling to feel completely guilty after years of missed reservations, ruined plans, wasted time, and broken promises. We had already tried giving her earlier times, and she eventually figured that out too. This wasn’t one isolated incident; it was the culmination of a pattern that had affected our entire friend group. I don’t think lying was the best solution, but I do think something needed to change. If she genuinely doesn’t want to make plans with me anymore, perhaps that is the consequence of finally reaching a boundary rather than another problem for everyone else to solve.
