Sometimes people ask for honesty when what they really need is encouragement, and that difference can become especially complicated when emotions are already involved. In this situation, the narrator’s girlfriend has been trying to lose weight for some time, not because her boyfriend thinks she looks bad, but because she personally wants to become healthier and feel more confident. The narrator says he has always found her beautiful and has never considered her overweight.
He initially tried to support her gently, encouraging her to exercise and make healthier choices, but she eventually gave up and told him to stop bringing it up. He respected that request. However, months later, she began complaining again about not losing weight and specifically asked him to stop being gentle. She told him she needed him to be harsh, mean, and even “borderline bully” her into getting motivated. After repeatedly refusing to speak to her that way in the past, he finally took her request literally and sent her a brutally honest message listing everything he believed was holding her back.
My Girlfriend Has Wanted To Lose Weight For A While, Even Though I Have Always Thought She Looks Completely Normal And Beautiful Exactly As She Is
I Never Cared About Her Appearance, But I Knew Getting Healthier Was Important To Her And I Wanted To Support What She Said She Wanted
She Told Me She Needed Me To Be Mean And Essentially Bully Her Into Finally Taking Her Weight-Loss Goals Seriously
I Pointed Out That Calling Every Single Day A Cheat Day Wasn’t Really A Sustainable Plan And Wasn’t Going To Produce The Results She Said She Wanted
I Told Her That There Was No Such Thing As Turning Every Day Into A Cheat Day And Calling It A Diet
I Compared Her Routine To My Own And Pointed Out That I Still Find Time To Exercise Even While Working Long Hours Every Day
I Also Brought Up The Amount Of Time She Spends Scrolling Through Social Media And Said Some Of That Time Could Be Used Toward The Goals She Says Matter To Her
Instead Of Feeling Motivated, She Became Extremely Upset And Told Me That I Had Gone Way Too Far With The Things I Said
I Still Believe She Is Beautiful And I Don’t Think Poorly Of Her At All, But I Tried To Make My Message As Rude And Blunt As She Had Asked Me To Be
Now I’m Left Wondering Whether Following Someone’s Explicit Request For Brutal Honesty Still Makes You An Asshole When The Words End Up Hurting Them
Curious to hear Reddit’s verdict on this one.
The aftermath left the narrator completely confused because he believed he had finally done exactly what his girlfriend had repeatedly asked him to do. He had spent months avoiding harsh comments because he did not want to hurt her or make her feel insecure about her body. In fact, he says he had explicitly told her that he would not become the person who bullied her about her weight. Yet she kept telling him he wasn’t motivational enough and that she needed someone to be mean to her.
When she finally asked him directly to “borderline b*lly” her, he interpreted those words literally and responded with the bluntest version of the criticism he thought she wanted. He still insists that he loves her exactly as she is and genuinely believes she is beautiful. However, his message focused heavily on her eating habits, exercise, excuses, and lack of consistency, and she ended up feeling deeply hurt rather than motivated. Now the couple is left dealing with the uncomfortable question of whether someone’s explicit request for brutal honesty makes it acceptable to deliver words that would normally be considered unnecessarily cruel.
