What started as a grateful acceptance of help after postpartum depression slowly turned into a situation where one mother began feeling like she was losing control over her own role as a parent. After the birth of her second child, her mother-in-law stepped in while she struggled with her mental health, and at first, the extra support was something she genuinely appreciated. But over time, the help became increasingly involved. Her MIL began picking the children up from school, preparing their lunches, taking them for sleepovers, and making decisions about their routines.
The mother eventually began hearing from her own children that their grandmother had told them she was sometimes too sick to care for them. Now seven months pregnant, she feels healthier and capable of parenting her children herself, yet her husband and MIL continue to treat her as though she cannot be trusted to manage everything. When MIL took the children shopping without telling her and returned hours late, the fear and frustration finally boiled over.
What Started As Grateful Help After Postpartum Depression Slowly Turned Into My MIL Taking Over More And More Of My Role As Their Mother
After My Second Child Was Born, My MIL Stepped In To Help While I Struggled With Postpartum Depression And Tried To Get Back On My Feet
What Made Me More Uncomfortable Was That The Sleepovers Started Too, With My Kids Spending Friday Nights And Sometimes Saturdays At Their Grandmother’s House
I Had Been Struggling In The Past, But I Had Worked Hard To Get Better And I Wanted My Children To See Me As Their Mother Rather Than Someone They Needed To Be Rescued From
Then One Afternoon My MIL Was Supposed To Bring The Kids Home From School, And Hours Passed Without Anyone Knowing Where They Were
I Was Not Angry Because My Children Got Shoes; I Was Angry Because Another Decision About My Children Had Been Made Without Me While I Was Left At Home Wondering If They Were Safe
I Asked Other Mothers For Advice And Was Told That I Should Be Grateful For Having A Grandmother Willing To Do So Much, But Their Answers Only Made Me Feel More Confused And Alone
I Have Tried Talking About Boundaries With Both My Husband And MIL, But They Keep Telling Me That I Am Hormonal Or Unstable Instead Of Taking What I Say Seriously
I Finally Called My Own Mother And Asked Her To Come Closer To My Due Date Because I Realized I Needed Someone In My Corner Who Would Actually Listen To What I Was Saying
When My Mom Heard That My MIL And Husband Had Planned To Take My Kids Away For Two Weeks After The Birth, She Was Horrified, And Thankfully That Plan Is No Longer Happening
Even Something As Simple As Making Lunch Has Become Complicated Because MIL Sometimes Brings The Kids Home Before I Can Prepare It And My Husband Sometimes Gives The Food To Them As A Snack
I Could Change My Routine And Prepare Their Lunches In The Morning Or During The Day, But I Am Still Struggling With The Feeling That I Am The Only Person Who Has To Adjust
I Keep Wondering How You Set A Boundary When Two People Have Already Decided That You Are Too Unreliable To Make Decisions For Yourself And Your Own Children
Time to scroll through Reddit’s hot takes on this saga.
The argument over the summer sandals was never really about a pair of shoes. For this mother, it represented months of increasingly blurred boundaries, decisions being made without her, and the painful feeling that her MIL was gradually stepping into responsibilities she wanted to handle herself. She admits that she should not have yelled in front of her children, but she also feels that her concerns have repeatedly been dismissed as hormones, instability, or an inability to cope.
The situation became even more serious when her husband and MIL decided that the children would stay with MIL for two weeks after the new baby arrived without properly including her in that decision. Fortunately, she has now asked her own mother to come around the due date, and that plan is no longer happening. She is also considering couples counselling in hopes of rebuilding communication with her husband. What remains is the much bigger question of how she can establish healthy boundaries when the people closest to her have already decided that they know what is best for her and her children.
