A family wedding is usually the kind of event where everyone expects to show up, celebrate together, and make whatever arrangements are necessary to accommodate the people they love. But for this couple, one simple rule has turned a family celebration into a major marital disagreement. The husband’s cousin is getting married this year and has decided to have a childfree wedding, while OP and her husband have two children under the age of four. At first glance, the solution might seem straightforward: find a babysitter and attend without the children.
Unfortunately, the reality is much more complicated. The family is already facing thousands of dollars in travel expenses for a four-day trip; the wedding venue is located in the middle of nowhere, and OP is deeply uncomfortable leaving her very young children with an unfamiliar nanny in a city where she has no trusted contacts. On top of that, bringing two small children through a three-hour-plus flight and another hour of driving simply to leave them somewhere else feels exhausting and impractical to her. She has offered several compromises, including staying home with the children or staying at the hotel while her husband and his parents attend, but neither option has ended the arguments.
Before We Even Got To The Wedding Itself, The Cost Of This Four-Day Trip Was Already Becoming A Huge Financial Burden For Our Family
The Biggest Problem Isn’t Even The Money, Because I’m Not Comfortable Leaving My Two Very Young Children With A Stranger In An Unfamiliar City
Culturally its unheard of to not have kids at a wedding. Enough that it didn’t even occur to him that it was childfree until I had him ask his family.
Instead Of Simply Saying No And Leaving My Husband To Figure Everything Out, I Offered To Stay Home With The Kids So He Could Still Attend
I Even Offered A Compromise Where I Would Stay At The Hotel While My Husband And His Parents Went To The Wedding Without Me
fter Talking To Friends Who Agreed With Me, My Husband Dismissed Their Opinions Because He Believes They Are Naturally Going To Take My Side
Curious to hear the verdict from Reddit on this one.
What makes this disagreement especially complicated is that neither side seems to be arguing that the wedding couple should change their plans. OP repeatedly acknowledges that the bride and groom are entitled to have whatever kind of wedding they want, including one where children are not invited. Her frustration comes from feeling that their decision should not automatically create an obligation for her to attend at any cost. From her perspective, the combination of expensive travel, childcare costs, an isolated venue, unfamiliar babysitters, and the difficulty of traveling with two children under four creates too many practical problems.
Her husband, however, appears to feel a strong responsibility to attend because his family has received significant help from this side of the family earlier in his career. His parents are also unhappy about the childfree arrangement but have chosen not to challenge it. At the same time, OP makes it clear that her husband is normally a good father and a reasonable person, which makes their repeated fights over this issue even more surprising. With several compromises already proposed and neither spouse willing to back down, the question has become less about one wedding and more about whether OP is being unreasonable for deciding that attending this particular childfree celebration simply isn’t worth the logistical, financial, and emotional complications for her family.
