Sometimes a friendship conflict isn’t really about one person being “good” and another being “bad.” Sometimes it’s about what happens when someone’s genuine struggles begin affecting everyone around them, and nobody can agree on where understanding should end and personal boundaries should begin. That’s exactly where I find myself with my friend group. I’m 20, and I’ve known this group of friends since school. Although adulthood has made it harder for us to meet regularly, we still make an effort to get together every couple of months. When one of our friends, Mark, started dating Sarah, we initially welcomed her without any issues.
She has OCD and explained that there were certain things she couldn’t tolerate, and because several people in our group also have conditions requiring accommodations, we were happy to make reasonable adjustments. For months, everything worked. Then Sarah learned that I have contact dermatitis, a completely non-contagious skin condition, and her perception of me changed dramatically. She began treating me as though I were contaminated, avoiding anything I touched and even warning other people not to sit near me. Eventually, what I had tried to understand as part of her condition became humiliating and disruptive enough that I felt I had no choice but to draw a boundary.
We’ve Always Been A Close Group, Even If Adult Life Has Made It Almost Impossible To See Each Other As Often As We Used To
When Mark Introduced His New Girlfriend, Nobody Had A Problem Making Reasonable Adjustments So She Could Feel Comfortable Around Us
For Several Months, Everything Was Completely Fine, And Nobody Had Any Reason To Think This Would Eventually Become A Major Conflict
From That Moment On, Her Behavior Toward Me Changed Dramatically, And I Suddenly Became Someone She Couldn’t Even Safely Sit Beside
Then She Took It Even Further By Warning A Complete Stranger At A Restaurant That Simply Touching My Glass Could Somehow “Contaminate” Him
I Finally Drew A Line And Said I Wasn’t Going To Keep Showing Up Somewhere I Was Being Treated Like A Monster For Existing
Since Everyone Else Had Also Become Uncomfortable, The Group Eventually Agreed That Mark Could Still Come Even If Sarah Didn’t
Instead Of A Conversation, I Got An Explosive Reaction That Ended With Mark Calling All Of Us Ableist
The Post Somehow Went Viral, And The Responses Actually Made Me Reconsider Some Of The Ways I Handled The Situation
Our Next Hangout Is Coming Up Soon, But For Now The Entire Group Has Been Blocked, And Nobody Knows Whether This Friendship Will Ever Recover
I Also Want To Make It Clear That I Never Intended To Use OCD As Ragebait Or Minimize What People With The Condition Actually Experience
And Apparently Someone Even Accused Me Of Making The Story Up Because My English Was Too Good For Someone Who Said It Wasn’t Their First Language
Time to scroll through Reddit’s hot takes on this saga.
I don’t think anyone in this situation wanted things to end this way. I certainly never wanted Sarah to feel attacked, humiliated, or excluded because of her OCD, and I can understand why being told that the group didn’t want her attending could have been deeply upsetting. At the same time, having a mental health condition does not automatically mean everyone around you has to accept being treated in a degrading or discriminatory way. I can respect someone’s need to manage their own fears without accepting being labeled “contaminated,” avoided like I’m dangerous, or having strangers warned not to touch things after me. There is also a difference between accommodating someone’s needs and requiring everyone else to participate in their fears.
I probably could have chosen my words more carefully, and I can understand why Sarah was hurt by the message. However, I don’t think I was unreasonable for saying that I wouldn’t attend outings where I was repeatedly made to feel disgusting because of a harmless, non-contagious condition. Mark was also free to decide that he didn’t want to attend without her, which I explicitly acknowledged. What hurts most is that a friendship group that had spent months trying to accommodate everyone’s differences ended with everyone being blocked. I still hope everyone can eventually look back at this situation with more nuance, because boundaries and compassion should be able to exist at the same time.
