Sometimes the smallest parts of everyday married life can become unexpectedly complicated, especially when one person experiences something that the other person has never had to think about before. I’m thirty, my wife and I have only been married for a few months, and overall, our relationship has been going really well. We rarely argue, we enjoy being newly married, and there haven’t been any major problems between us. The one issue that keeps coming back, however, is my wife’s misophonia.
Certain eating and chewing sounds genuinely bother her, and although I completely understand that she isn’t choosing to react that way, I’m starting to feel like eating around her has become a stressful experience for me too. From the beginning, I’ve made a real effort to chew quietly, keep my mouth closed, watch my bite sizes, and avoid talking while there is food in my mouth. But despite all of that, there always seems to be another sound or habit that bothers her. What was once an ordinary dinner together is now something I find myself overthinking, and I’m beginning to wonder whether eating separately might actually give both of us some peace.
I’m Thirty, I’ve Only Been Married For A Few Months, And Thankfully Our New Marriage Has Been Going Surprisingly Well With Very Little Conflict
My Wife Has Misophonia, Which In Her Case Means That Certain Chewing And Eating Sounds Can Become Extremely Difficult For Her To Tolerate
I Started Paying Much More Attention To Every Bite, Making Sure My Mouth Was Closed And Trying To Be Conscious Of Every Sound I Might Be Making
Eventually I Suggested What Seemed Like The Most Obvious Solution: Maybe We Could Simply Eat Our Meals In Separate Spaces So Neither Of Us Would Have To Be Uncomfortable
Then One Day My Wife Brought The Issue Back Up And Explained That There Were Still A Few Things About The Way I Eat That Were Bothering Her
I’m Not Sitting There With My Mouth Stuffed Full And Trying To Have An Entire Conversation While Chewing Because I Know That Would Be Rude And Unpleasant
I’m Now Thinking About How Loud I’m Chewing, Whether My Mouth Is Completely Empty, How Large My Next Bite Is, And Whether Some Tiny Sound Is Going To Bother Her
I Also Don’t Want To Dismiss Something That Genuinely Affects Her, Which Is Why I’ve Been Making A Real Effort To Change The Way I Eat Whenever I Can
If She Doesn’t Have To Hear Me Chew, Then She Doesn’t Have To Feel Irritated By Sounds She Can’t Control, And I Don’t Have To Spend Every Dinner Wondering Whether I’m Doing Something Wrong
Curious to hear the verdict from Reddit on this one.
The difficult part is that neither of us seems to be intentionally doing anything wrong. My wife isn’t choosing to have misophonia, and I don’t want her to feel like I’m dismissing something that genuinely affects her. At the same time, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to enjoy meals when I’m constantly thinking about whether I’m chewing too loudly, taking too large a bite, speaking before my mouth is empty, or making some other sound I’m not even aware of.
I have tried to accommodate her because I love her and want our marriage to work, but I’m starting to worry that constantly monitoring myself is turning dinner into a source of anxiety rather than the quality time she wants it to be. I know that eating together is meaningful to her, which is why suggesting separate meals feels much bigger than simply sitting in different rooms. I don’t want to take away something that makes her feel connected to me. I just want to find a solution where she isn’t forced to endure sounds that upset her, and I’m not spending every meal worrying about how I’m eating.
