After spending six years in a loving relationship, OP never expected that the possibility of getting back together with her ex-boyfriend would eventually come down to one painful condition: whether she was willing to give up the career she had worked so hard to build. Their relationship had always had genuine affection, support, and companionship, but there was one recurring problem that OP could never fully overcome: her ex repeatedly hid financial problems and debts from her. Even after she directly asked him to be completely honest about money, he continued lying about their finances.
Eventually, after losing her own job and struggling alongside him financially, OP left when he returned from a higher-paying job in another city without any of the money she had expected him to save. She built a life of her own, found a well-paying job, earned a promotion, and eventually became involved with her boss. That relationship ended peacefully, but when OP and her ex later began discussing reconciliation, she told him the truth about what had happened. His response was not what she expected: he said he could forgive her, but only if she quit the job she loved.
After Six Years Together, I Thought My Boyfriend And I Had Built A Loving Relationship Despite The One Problem That Kept Slowly Destroying Our Trust
He Was Loving, Funny, Supportive, And Someone I Truly Loved, But His Habit Of Hiding Financial Problems From Me Became The One Issue We Could Never Escape
I Finally Told Him That I Needed Complete Honesty About Our Finances, Even When The Truth Was Uncomfortable, But He Still Lied To Me About Money Six More Times
Then I Lost My Job, And During One Of The Most Financially Difficult Periods Of Our Lives, We Had To Support Each Other While Barely Keeping Up With Bills, Gas, And Debts
Eventually My Boyfriend Took A Better-Paying Job In Another City Because We Desperately Needed The Income, While I Stayed Behind And Tried To Find Work Of My Own
Instead Of Coming Home With The Money We Had Both Been Counting On, He Returned Without A Single Cent And Immediately Revealed Another Financial Secret
I Left, Found My Own Apartment, And Started Building A Life Without Him After Realizing That The Distance Between Us Had Already Made Us Emotionally Strangers
The Relationship With My Boss Did Not Last Very Long Because I Realized I Was Still Missing My Ex And Could Not Fully Move On From Our Six-Year Relationship
Eventually My Ex And I Met Again, Talked Honestly About What Had Happened, And Started Considering Whether Getting Back Together Might Actually Be Possible
Eventually My Ex And I Met Again, Talked Honestly About What Had Happened, And Started Considering Whether Getting Back Together Might Actually Be Possible
The Problem Was That He Was Asking Me To Sacrifice A Job I Loved, A Position That Had Taken Nearly A Year To Find, And A Salary That Was Giving Me Financial Stability
At The Same Time, My Former Boss Had Developed Strong Feelings For Me, And I Could Not Ignore The Possibility That Our Failed Relationship Might Eventually Make Working Together Impossible
But Another Part Of Me Keeps Asking Why I Should Voluntarily Give Up My Financial Security For Someone Who Repeatedly Hid Debts From Me And Has Only Promised That He Will Change
I Still Love My Ex And Do Not Believe He Is A Bad Person, Because Outside Of Our Financial Problems We Had Years Of Genuine Love, Support, And Happiness Together
Reddit always has opinions, so let’s see their judgment.
OP now finds herself caught between two very different kinds of uncertainty. On one side is the career she fought to establish after leaving her relationship. She has her own apartment, rent, bank loans, bills, and responsibilities toward her mother’s caregiver, making financial independence especially important. Giving up her above-average salary would create immediate financial pressure, particularly when her ex has not yet demonstrated that the financial behavior that caused their breakup has actually changed.
On the other hand, OP still loves him and genuinely remembers the good parts of their relationship. She does not view him as a terrible person and believes they had a meaningful connection whenever money was not causing conflict. There is also the uncomfortable possibility that her former boss, who developed feelings for her, could eventually decide that continuing to work together is too difficult, potentially putting her job at risk regardless of what she chooses. That leaves OP questioning whether sacrificing her job for the possibility of reconciliation would be a meaningful compromise or whether it would mean giving up the independence she worked so hard to regain for someone whose promises she still does not completely trust.
